Using pronouns
Breaking the binary of pronouns: Why is it important?
From the moment we are born, we are assigned a sex based on the biology of our body. But what if we don't identify with the sex we have been assigned? What if we don't identify with the label society has available for us?
That's where the liberating power of pronouns comes in—they're a tool for reclaiming our gender.
It's easy to make assumptions about a person's gender based on their name or how they present themselves. But it isn't always helpful or accurate.
Making these assumptions can leave some people in our community feeling unsafe and isolated. That's why we must break the habit of binary gender assumptions and instead make space to ask each other's pronouns.
What are some different pronouns?
- She/her
- He/Him
- They/Them
- Ze/Zir
- Xe/Xem
That's not an exhaustive list—pronouns are fluid, and a person can change them anytime. Also, some people identify with multiple pronouns, such as He/They, and some may not yet know how they want to be identified.
If you don't know someone's pronouns, how do you ask?
Some people feel nervous to ask someone their pronouns because they're scared to cause offence. But it's the most inclusive thing you can do, whether you're an LGBTQ+ community member or an ally. So, how do you ask?
Just ask and lead by example – start the conversation.
Opening with your own pronouns shows those in the room you are familiar with the use of pronouns and creates a supportive, safe space. By starting the conversation, you can cause a domino effect that shows those around you that asking someone's pronouns should be the new norm, like asking someone's name.
Here's what that sounds like:
'Hello, my name is ________, and my pronouns are she/they.'
'Sorry I forgot to ask; how would you like me to refer to you?' or 'Sorry I forgot to ask, what pronouns do you use?'
Stop the assuming habit—use 'They' or their name by default
If you forgot to ask someone their pronouns or didn't get a chance, refer to them as 'they/them/theirs' or by their name until you have asked and learned their pronouns.
This will prevent you from misgendering, which denies someone their personhood, whether intentional or not. You wouldn't want to call someone by the wrong name—it should be the same with pronouns.
What if you make a mistake?
It's okay to make a mistake. Everyone is trying to unlearn the binary norms society has embedded into us. So, if you get someone's pronouns wrong or deadname (call someone by their birth name, which they have changed as part of a gender transition), simply:
- Recognise the mistake
- Correct yourself
- Apologise
- And move forward.
Do not drag the situation out. Do not make excuses for your mistake, and don't make it about yourself. Keep it short and sweet, correct yourself, and move forward, like in this example:
'He played really well . . . sorry, Ze played really well. That last goal was amazing.'
NTSU pronoun badges
To help people break the binary habit and identify each other's pronouns, NTSU offers free pronoun badges for you to wear proudly as an LGBTQ+ community member or ally. You can get one by visiting the SU at City, Clifton, or Brackenhurst campuses.
We have the following badges:
- She/Her
- He/Him
- They/Them
- Ze/Zir
- Ze/Hir
- Xe/Xem
- She/They
- He/They
- Ask me about my pronouns
Pronoun resources
Want to learn more? Try these resources:
